Our Director of HR Business Partnering (Interim), Andy Cast, discusses his thoughts on the power of listening in his recent blog entry.
As part of the #UoSrespect campaign, we will be launching a dedicated blog in the near future that will focus on colleague-generated content such as this. To register your interest in submitting a piece, please email the Internal Communications Team: [email protected]
Andy Cast
“Lately, I’ve been reflecting a lot on how we can demonstrate respect for our colleagues by using the power of listening.
One of the most important gifts we can give to others is that of truly listening to them. Not just hearing them, but really listening and understanding them. It’s a skill which seems to be challenged by society and technology. For a start, we live in a world which seems to be spinning faster and faster. Every waking minute seems to be spent being ‘busy’. We rush from appointment to meeting to event, without ever spending quality time ‘in the moment’. Conversations are hurried and often multi-tasked with social media or even our own thoughts running interference. How often do we really stop and give our full attention to those around us, without any other distraction? Even a conversation over the dinner table is being played out with our brain and body multi-tasking and diverting our attention.
When I’m coaching a colleague, I like to think I’ve honed my listening skills to the point where I can truly be at one with them, giving my full and complete attention. I concentrate on them and their words, banishing all of my own thoughts completely. I ask questions to support their thinking process and understand them better, but without leading the conversation. I never talk about myself: the most selfless thing you can do when someone is talking about themselves is to allow them the time and space to do just that. Talking about your own experiences, offering advice or telling someone what to do without considering their needs won’t help them.
Outside of my coaching sessions, I know I’m not always so accomplished with my listening, however, I do try to give the same quality listening attention to friends, colleagues and business stakeholders, as I do to my coaching clients. There is a difference to this kind of listening of course, because a conversation is more of a partnership where my view is expected and, I hope, valued.
At the University, we run a series of Leadership Circle sessions for cohorts of leaders and potential leaders. The concept of the Circles programme was devised a few years back using principles and techniques from Nancy Kline’s book ‘A Time to Think’.
The Circles programme is an amazingly effective group coaching method where listening to each other without interruption is one of the most important agreements the participants sign up to.
The majority of people can’t help but interrupt a speaker in order to get their own point across. Not only is this the equivalent of a psychological slap to the face, breaking the chain of thought, it also undermines the speaker and sends subliminal messages which the brain might interpret as ‘You don’t value what I have to say’. At the very best, the interrupter is coming from a place of passion, a desire to have their say because they’re excited by the conversation and topic. At the very worst (in a bullying situation), the interrupter is shutting down or undermining the speaker purposefully and aggressively.
This interrupting can have a lasting effect on self-esteem and self-confidence, and may stop someone from having their say completely. In these circumstances, people might ask themselves: ‘What’s the point if I’m not being listened to?’ Ultimately, when someone ‘loses’ their voice and gives up, the conversation or meeting also loses its richness and diversity of thought.
Some people are naturally verbose or chatty. Some minds work more quickly than others. Some feel worried their words will be judged and need encouragement to speak. Some people need time to reflect and consider. Some speak on instinct. Some think they are being helpful by jumping in with a solution, when all the speaker wants is to bounce thoughts around out loud.
As always, what this comes down to is an appreciation of diversity and the acknowledgement that everyone brings something to the table. If a voice is ignored, shut down, uninvited or lost, having never been given the chance to speak, who knows what amazing solutions, thoughts or opportunities are left undiscovered. Who knows if something unsaid may have sparked other ideas, highlighted concerns or inspired modified or developed thinking?
To truly respect your colleagues and show them you value their opinion and thinking, you need to really listen to them without interruption. This doesn’t mean you can’t challenge their thinking or even disagree with their views – in fact, the opportunity to be challenged is another way to show respect for diversity of thinking. Of course, how you go about that challenge in a supportive and positive manner, is crucial to the success of your relationships.”
The #UoSrespect campaign aims to support and embed our core value of collegiality, and ensure that we all benefit from a positive, supportive environment whether we’re here for work or study.
Look out for the hashtag #UoSrespect on SUSSED News to stay up to date with all the latest on this campaign.
