We have all felt the effects of stress, and the frustration of feeling blocked by others when trying to achieve our aims. We all know that being assertive is important, to stand by what we know.
But do we always know when assertive is becoming aggressive? People don’t always need to agree, but they do need to feel respected and listened to. We have all walked away from a conversation feeling like we haven’t been heard, and we all know how frustrating and upsetting that can be.
The Royal College of Surgeons has created a useful checklist of behaviours and thoughts to reflect on that can help you identify if you (perhaps unwittingly) have strayed from assertive to aggressive. The checklist includes asking yourself the following:
- Do people come to you with ideas and suggestions?
- Do you always apologise if you lose your temper?
- Do you blame others for problems that occur?
We often think of bullying as an overt behaviour, of people shouting at someone they perceive to be subordinate. This isn’t the case, nor is it the case that every bully starts out as one. We are all capable of bullying, and we can avoid this happening by constantly reflecting on our behaviours.
Ignoring people, excluding people from group activities, passive–aggressive comments, or undermining people are also forms of bullying.
Rishi, a student Stay Safe Ambassador, says:
“In these testing times, compassion and empathy are crucial to our behaviour. It is so important to remember that everyone is dealing with so much new guidance and it is best not to judge based on appearances. We should be thinking how our actions might make others feel uncomfortable and be prepared to compromise. Making this the new normal should happen at each individual’s own pace and nobody should feel rushed to get involved again. Let’s look out for each other and provide support wherever we can!”
The following resources can help you identify behaviours that may be leaning towards bullying, and help you to reflect on how to increase your awareness and improve your working relationships.
- Togetherall – assertiveness training
- Assertiveness pocketbook – a guide to assertiveness
If bullying or harassment is affecting your wellbeing or you are concerned about another student, contact the Student Support Hub.
Contact Bullying UK’s confidential helpline on 0808 800 2222.
Get in touch with the University’s Harassment contacts