We have all felt the effects of stress, and the frustration of feeling blocked by others when trying to achieve our job. We all know that being assertive is important, to stand by what we know.
But do we always know when assertive is becoming aggressive? People don’t always need to agree, but they do need to feel respected and listened to. We have all walked away from a meeting feeling like we haven’t been heard, and we all know how frustrating and upsetting that can be.
The Royal College of Surgeons has created a useful checklist of behaviours and thoughts to reflect on, that can help you identify if you (perhaps unwittingly) have strayed from assertive to aggressive. These include:
- Do people come to you with ideas and suggestions?
- Do you always apologise if you lose your temper?
- Do you blame others for problems that occur?
We often think of bullying as an overt behaviour, of people shouting at someone they perceive to be subordinate. This isn’t the case, nor is it the case that every bully starts out as one. We are all capable of bullying, and it’s by constantly reflecting on our behaviours that help us avoid this.
Ignoring people, excluding people from group activities, passive aggressive comments (such as muttered asides, double messages and sarcasm), or undermining people are also forms of bullying.
Have you avoided directly communicating with someone because you’re angry with them? Or obstructed something out of principal? Have you used your position or relationships to manipulate the situation to someone’s detriment? These are behaviours than can break down communications and relationships, leading us towards negative behaviours and outcomes.
The following resources can help you identify behaviours that may be leaning towards negative behaviours, and help you reflect on how to increase your awareness and improve your working relationships.
- How Emotionally Aware am I?
- Making Feedback work for you – this article will help you consider your own responses to feedback and how you could take further action to use the feedback you receive
- Analysing Conflict Styles – use this exercise to discover more about how you are communicating at work
- Empathy at work
- Trust in me: a short article about why trust is important at work and how to develop it
- Leading with Emotional Intelligence (Short Course) Sign in on this page first using your University ID free
- 8 Keys to eliminating passive-agressiveness
- Top tips for improving self-awareness – video
- Top tips for being assertive not aggressive
- What to say when someone is wrong – a short video to help you consider how to constructively address day to day issues at work
