Bullying is an unacceptable behaviour, but all too often it robs individuals of the confidence to challenge it. It can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness and create a feeling that one is trapped.
Some of our colleagues took the time to share experiences throughout their careers with us to help improve understanding of what bullying looks like, feels like and how this can impact on a person’s life and career. We thank the individuals who shared their past experiences, and whilst this may not be easy reading, we hope it is thought provoking and will open up conversations about how we can not just challenge these behaviours where we see them, but also prevent them from occurring.
The excerpts below are from ten colleagues who are now working at the University, and have been submitted anonymously. Many of these submissions have identified specifically that it was at a different organisation, but workplace bullying can occur in any institution and we must continue to combat the conditions that allow bullying to thrive.
It can be very difficult to relate to these experiences, and it is with the utmost respect we share them to reach out to those who might be going through something similar and help them understand they are not alone and are not to blame. There are links to support resources at the end of this article.
Bullying affects more than just your work life…
“I remember dreading Tuesdays as I always had a meeting with the bully on that day, whether it was a monthly 1:1 or a team meeting. I felt sick to the pit of my stomach from Sunday night, wondering what they were going to pick on or how they would find a question to ask that I didn’t know the answer to and belittle me in front of my colleagues.”
“I began to become depressed, I couldn’t sleep and started taking sleeping tablets. I dreaded Monday mornings earlier and earlier in the weekend. I went from being a happy person who loved to go to work to someone who couldn’t find joy in anything.”
…And comes in many forms.
“Bullying isn’t always a full-blown and obvious attack, sometimes it’s a slow drip of condescension, aggressive behaviour, rude emails and belittling in front of others and on a one-to-one basis.
This behaviour, particularly the aggression, made me feel highly stressed, anxious and I did not want to go to work. I overprepared for every meeting, but still made mistakes which were pointed out to the team. The experience had serious consequences on my health, home life and work rate as I could no longer concentrate, wasn’t sleeping and was having panic attacks before and at work.”
“I was held to impossible standards and was criticised for things that were beyond my control. As someone who had never previously been criticised at work I was devastated, especially when they began to humiliate me in front of my colleagues.”
“Following this I had days of silence in the office and barely being spoken to. I found an email in a joint email account talking about me from my manager to their manager.”
“I would go into work but was deliberately excluded from important meetings and social outings. I was made to feel unnecessary and bad at my job, I received no support and I continued to feel worthless and stupid. I got no support with my day to day work, work that was for the group. My work was often taken and used by others, I complained and was told that I had no right.”
These situations often leave people feeling trapped and isolated.
“My personal circumstances kept me in the job for years more than I should have been there because I felt trapped and was constantly told that I was lucky… I felt so unsupported and alone… I have lost a lot of my career through bullying; I have been set back years.”
“My personal tutor was one of the supervisor’s supervisees and the head of department was widely known to be the best friend to my supervisor… Cornered, I did not pursue the case, my supervisor marked my thesis, gave me a poor score, taking my year mark down from a distinction (top of my year) to a merit, and my appeal went unrecognised… I regret not pursuing the case further to save the next student/staff member, however, I simply couldn’t afford the financial cost of that decision.”
“…while I wanted to [make a formal complaint], I was too scared of the repercussions and chose not to take it any further and look for a new job…”
“It’s only looking back, that I realise there was a culture of bullying and that management abused their power. I now know that I was more than capable of doing that job, had I been given the correct training.”
Many people begin to blame themselves and find it difficult to reach out. But those that have been through the experience highlighted it is important to know you can reach out to friends, family and professional services.
“The things that got me through that extremely hard time were therapy through an IAPT service, the support of my family, and reassurance from fellow students who, though they felt powerless to speak up, simply helped me to understand that I was not the terrible person my supervisor made me out to be, and this could have happened to any of them.”
“They made me a cup of tea, listened carefully and reassured me that it was not ok to be made to feel this way. I wish I had talked to someone sooner instead of saying to myself ‘you’re being silly’ or ‘it will get better.’ ”
“The biggest help for me throughout this experience was the other people in the company who could see what was happening and were willing to stand up against her behaviour – this is what gave me the strength to advocate for myself to HR and ultimately move on from the situation.”
It can be hard to escape these feelings, and many people still find themselves changed by their experience.
“The ending is happy but this experience will stay with me for a long time. When things don’t go as planned at work now I feel a lot of anxiety, even if it’s not something I can control.”
“Even now when somebody comments positively on my skills and professionalism, I am surprised how others think of me. I am gaining in confidence in my abilities every day and am gradually getting back to the person I was when I started.”
“This was 5 years ago. I am now undergoing counselling as this experience has affected almost all aspects of my life, it has left me with very little confidence, questioning who I am and what is appropriate to do or say in most situations.”
I am starting to rebuild my confidence, but I still suffer from anxiety as a result of my experience. My only regret is not making a formal complaint, which is why I am sharing my experience now in the hope that I can help others in a similar situation, as if no one ever stands up to bullying, how will anything ever change?”
We would like to thank the colleagues who have shared their experiences here, and urge anyone who is feeling this way to reach out to a friend, colleague, or one of our professional Harassment Contacts for confidential advice. We provided details of some of the available resources on SUSSED News earlier this week. You can also find out more information on the HR pages.
